Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
