He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
