She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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