I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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