We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize