I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
