I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
