A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
