i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
