Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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