I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
