I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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