Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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