I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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