I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
