When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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