i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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