you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
