piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
