please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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