Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
