I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
