No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
