Do you still have your period?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
