she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
