I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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