I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
