is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
