you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
