***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
