Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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