i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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