are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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