Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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