Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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