I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
