Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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