Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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