Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
