His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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