can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
