I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
