I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
