i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
