ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
