tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
