my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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