just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
