Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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