Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
