we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize