you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
