Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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