there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
