Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
