We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
