Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
