What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
