I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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