By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
