Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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