Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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