Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
