Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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