My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
