porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I love having hate sex.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
