just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
